Are you curious about the future? Do you wonder how artificial intelligence (AI) will impact web design? Or if you’ll ever get that elusive Bluesky invite? You’ve come to the right place, my friends.
It’s time for my annual look at the year ahead. This satirical report is chock-full of useless facts and mindless predictions. That makes it just as good as any year-ahead article on the internet.
How do I do it? Like most internet companies, I use a proprietary algorithm. I prefer to keep it a secret. But it involves looking at the past and employing an overactive imagination. It can be yours for a small fee, by the way.
So, what does 2024 have in store for us? Here are some things that absolutely will (or probably won’t) happen.
WordPress.com to Offer Tweet Rebuttals
2023 was an eventful year for WordPress – and not all of it was positive. Then again, a little #WPDrama is a fine spectator sport.
The divide between co-founder Matt Mullenweg’s commercial venture (Automattic) and the open-source project once again raised some eyebrows. The (supposed) problem? Automattic’s WordPress.com replicated plugin listings from the WordPress.org repository on its site.
Plugin developers expressed concern that the commercial site’s listings showed up first in search results. Mullenweg was personally called out regarding the issue. The criticism was harsh and accusatory.
Right or wrong, these events got the WordPress community talking. The level of discourse was palpable.
It also got my predictive senses tingling. There must be a way to capitalize on this phenomenon – right?
Mullenweg responded to many critics – but certainly not all. Were you left out? Don’t worry! You’ll have a chance to get in on the action.
WordPress.com will soon unveil its “I Beg Your Pardon?” service. For a $20 fee, Mullenweg will personally respond to a critical tweet of your choice.
No worries if you’re short on cash. A free version from WordPress.org will get you an automated response from a bot.
Happy to take your listing down and redirect to another plugin page, which do you recommend as a good alternative?
— Matt Mullenweg (@photomatt) September 13, 2023
Apple Will Thrill Fans with AI
Rumors abound that Apple is working on an artificial intelligence platform. How might it work? What are its capabilities? I have a few predictions.
A Stiff Barrier to Entry
Apple loves to sell us premium products. And they also enjoy exercising tight control of them. Don’t expect their AI offering to be any different.
Thus, their platform will only be available to those using Apple devices. But that’s not all. Adding Apple’s AI to your workflow will also require a proprietary cable. No, not the one you already have.
We’re talking about a completely new connector type. The good news is that it’s currently hidden on your device. It will reveal itself upon sensing the cable’s presence.
The bad news? The dongle costs $500. And customers will have to wait at least six months for delivery. As usual, a large number of preorders will be the culprit.
An AI Powered Website Testing Suite
Web designers will be thrilled to see Apple’s AI testing suite. Enter your URL and watch the magic happen.
The tool emulates multiple devices. For example, you can troubleshoot your client’s buggy site on their 8-year-old Android phone. Or figure out why your responsive styles aren’t working on a brand of tablet no one has heard of.
It Will Be a Roller-Coaster Year for Elon Musk
Perhaps you don’t need a crystal ball to predict some things. Elon Musk and chaos are the perfect couple (sorry, Grimes). It’s the gift that keeps on giving.
I believe Mr. Musk will have a busy year. Seriously, there will be something wild happening every day. Here are just a few examples:
Musk will reveal (unprompted) that he ingested dozens of “E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial” cartridges. You know, the ones that Atari buried back in the 1980s. He may still have a stash in his basement.
Musk will invent an implantable microchip that allows chickens to speak. Ironically, he’ll call it “Twitter“.
What about the service formerly known as Twitter? Musk hasn’t forgotten about it. He’ll continue to reinstate banned accounts. Next up: Napolean. Watch out for a rant hundreds of years in the making.
We hear the Tesla Cybertruck will finally start deliveries in 2024. What’s the catch? It only includes models that come equipped with a Musk-approved flamethrower.
Tesla’s Autopilot feature is having issues. Musk will replace it with an “Autonag” option. A virtual Elon will criticize your driving skills and shout them through the car’s audio system. Transport will never be the same.
Best Wishes for 2024!
Yes, the predictions above are silly. But they underscore that we’re in a time of change. AI is disrupting our industry. The tools we use are evolving. Somehow, we’ll need to adapt. For instance, I may have ChatGPT write this article for me next year.
None of this will be easy. Web designers have weathered plenty of shifts, though. I’m still here – and so are you!
So, take a deep breath. Find something to laugh about. And do your best to make 2024 a great year.